New Year Rhapsody: Passion Rhapsody

At the age of 27, im still struggling with myself both living my life and living my dream. Infact im more confuse than ever now as an adult compare to when im was a teenager. Living responsibility seems to be a big boulder of rock that keeping me from reaching to a conclusion of what my passion really is.

Luckyly i found a few article on how to find your passion here and it really give an idea to write and do this.i've been looking for such article on how to find what is or are your passion really is/are. The things that i've never thought before is that perhaps we have more than one passion and its okay to have more than one. An idea that i never embrace before. Instead im stuck which one and only one. Silly isnt it?

Naturally as a pieces i really2 do love arts. However due to the idea that was instill by my parents that art cant make a living, i growing up and telling myself to hate art. I do love to paint, and i have few painting that im proud of(back when im in high school). I grew myself into science (not that i hate them anyway) but in the end during my uni life i found myself struggling miserably and failing patheticly in my course. But i keep perserving telling myself that i can do it and one day i would land myself a big job as geophysicist with a huge and fat paycheck from big fat oil and gas company. In the end i still end up working up at supermarket just like any other people who doesnt spend and waste both of their money and time!

Anyway (without ashamed) here are the thing thats im passion about, or atleast really intereted of doing it.

1.Acting. Is one form of art, although i dont have the confident of doing so, but in the end, in real life we do put ourself into this so called big stage and act according to our surrounding and people around us. Its not that hard rite.

But really, what make me feels really like an under achiever are those young Korean star who earn (ofcourse they do) lots of money. Fame and money. I know, it sound a bit cliche and so teenage-like esp the Korean idol part, but its the truth. Cant really deny it.

To add a fuel to this dream/passion/interest i found this acting school in korea.interesting isnt it.


2. Didnt i mention that i love to draw. So this is another interest of mine that related to a pencil and drawing board. I wanna become an architec. Yup i do, tho its a bit technical. Back when i was a kid,our grand-family are trying to move to a new place and thinking of a few design on how it should be. So threw i my ideas in trying to impress my grandparent and parent too. Never occurs in my mind that i shud choose this career path. i too try to design my dream house. It was magnificent for a 12 yrs old kid haha.... i do love arranging things and make the living room and my bedroom beautiful. so this lead to interior designing. It sort of my second interest as being an architect is a bit technical, while ID are more towards to creativity of mind and space. hehe.

3. I love beautiful picture (hint camera). Back then my father has this collection of mags (not porn mag) and it also include national geographic sort of magazine. They do have a lots of breathtaking and awesome beautiful picture in it. The thing is im not only admiring those pic, but i also wanted to be one of those people who took those amazing beautiful picture. but its seems nowadays picking dslr is kinda an interest of everybody. almost everyone i know are taking picture with their hand attach to dslr camera. damn this suppose to be my original idea, but alot of then stole them from me(just being dramatic). shoot. i dont want to be perceive as as copycat-ing them as they do not know my interest in picture perfect taking thing. damn this one, but i definitely going to get my hand on one dslr camera. hopefully soon tho.im thinking of having my own nigel baker of ANTM like studio. taking picture of beautiful men and women. :)

4. i do love writing. it helps me express my feeling and idea ofcourse. hence thats is why i started a blog 4 years ago. seems like it easier to write thing back then.

5.there is one thing that i wanted to add on this list but suddenly my mind wander off abouth something and i just forgot about it. damn sometimes i hate my forgetfull mind.


So seing through the list none of them are involving science. after all i took the wrong path. now that i have a list of what my passion are its easier and ofcourse the view are clearer. The burden feels lighter too now that i dont have to think any longer of what to do.

Speaking about goals, well i'm gonna writting it as flatten my belly. With this ever sedentary lifestyle and beer drinking culture, i've been gaining much weight esp in the middle part. my target is to show off my beautiful body by june. Yeah. definitely.

Rhapsody #102: Me and Death

Death, the one appointment we all must keep, and for which no time is set

I still shocked and saddened by the news that my ex-colleague has passed away due to an accident this morning. I received the news somehow early in the evening and it shock me through out my day.

She never was my favourite ex-colleague last time. in fact i was sort of hate her. I really don't know why...she kinda piss me off (i don't know how to put it more softly). I guess I'll never know why she never like me (i feel that she treated me differently than others, and she always stick to this other guy, and he is gay too. she sort of his hag. probably she sense another fag in the house kot...). Though I wasnt very fond of her, I still feel very sad with her lost.

On the other side, I find that she is very sweet(just like her name), cheerful,confident and kinda charmingly flirty. Probably i envy her for that. She seems faithful to her friend, I guess i wasn't lucky because I wasn't in her circle of clique. I dont know, but probably we just feel awkward. I do find her very pretty too. Such a tragic loss. Her death remind me how fragile life is, and how important the value of life. She did leave something behind, a fond memory of her, and my appreciation towards life.

I think I kinda hate this month of December again. First, my grandma had passed away on Christmas Eve, so it really suck the Xmas air out of me. I think that god is punishing me, because i post, actually i re-post what perez hilton had wrote regarding the current pope (and i do still think he sucks). Part of why i losing my faith. I couldnt help but blame myself on that. Then again this one. My friend.December really grieve me. Not to mention that (im sure everyone does) that i have a lot of thing in my mind. I remember a quote from paulo coelho blog saying that memory is like a salt. The right amount make the food delicious. Too much ruined it. I know i shouldnt dwell to much on it, but i just cant get it out of my mind.

I kinda remember one song from Simple Plan, where the singer dedicated the song for his lost friend who died in car accident too. Now i know what he feels.The song really fit this situation.

Time only can heal so much.

On a different note,I send an sms to my crush a moment after i learned about the news, telling him that i lost an ex-colleague in a car accident, hoping that he would respond or something. So far still nothing yet, but i still keep my finger crossed. Wish me all the love in the world.




p/s: Please, don't drink and drive.

Rhapsody #101: Random

Wow... last post was 2009. it been 18 months since my last post.
This blog is so 2008/09, back when it peaked.

Smell like one too. Much have change, gained and lost. And it almost 2011 huh.

The 100th Rhapsody: Me and Reminiscence of the past.

1.Me and kindness of a stranger.

Well this one mark my 100th post. I think I've been around the block for around since 2006. That 3 years. I wrote somewhere in this blog before that maintaining a blog akin to maintaining a long distance relationship. Indeed it is, as we need to constantly pay a visit and try to write one or two what ever the thing that cross our mind. Nevertheless its 100th post (for my blogspot). So I guess it is best if we wrote something nice.

So to begin the story of this 100th post ( I know it seems like showing off haha), I asked my friend the earlier night to bring me to airport to buy ticket for my mum. After having trouble with the website (unable to pay via direct debit for other party unless we traveling too), the next day my friend and went to the airport so I could by the ticket on sales counter. So when it is my turn, I told the sales-girl/cabin crew about my problem with the sites and why I opt to buy on the counter. She told me that I can use the direct debit method as she did the same for her cousins few days ago, and she promised to show how if I could just waited for awhile. Still I insisted to just buy from the counter but she said that the price gonna be way higher than buying online so I waited. After all I got nothing to lose. So after waited for awhile, she open another online counter for me, but as the pc got problem she invited me in, yes she did invite me inside into the office. Well this gave me the opportunities to see the scoop behind the scene, where the cabin crew lepaking themselves while waiting for their night flight or doing some ground floor task such as selling ticket. They've been multi-tasking! Anyway back to the office, after filling out the steps I've reached to the payment methods, and there the problem occurs, I cant make payment through the m2u. And yes she wondering too why the problem occurs. And she asked me to used her own aa.com account, and still the same problem occurs. See I've told you rite.

So she also blur as there is no direct debit section in the web. And reaching for her purse, she offered to help me to pay using her own credit card and of course I have to pay her back...unfortunately she didn't bring her cc. Well its ok since she already offered to help and the intentions is good enough for me already. Perhaps lady luck was on my side or simply her colleagues were eavesdropping on our conversation, he offered his helped too. Well actually he sitting not so far from us, and I was... well I'm touched to be honest. After settling the payment and pay her colleague cash on the spot, and thanking both of them well for making my day brighter, I went straight home with a smile with a promise to make others day better. Kindness is infectious things and tend to become chain reaction.



Here the sreenshot which contain the direct debit payment method.


2.Me and my eastern star.

I remember one phrase. It said like this "people might forget your name,but people would certainly remember how u make them feel." I believe in this phrase to certain extend. More to towards how people make me feel rather than my action towards others.And yes i still remember the name of cabin crew/sales agent on the ground. Both of them.

So I receive this strange invite to open a Tagged account. I had numerous of invinte before which i turn down. This same guy also follows me on my Twitter, tho i dont tweet much. Still, the mystery how did he got my e-mail i don't actually remember and I don't remember giving e-mail to someone as way of communicating with others. Its a good thing that my e-mail haven't changing since late 2002 or 2003 (that make I've been using this same email for 7 years. Wow!) And I accept his invitation, to see who this guy actually is. Turn out he is the guy who i used to have a crush on during my 1st year. Looking good as usual sending his invite from ukraine, and I remember I was kinda sad that my roomates (my roomates and this guy are coming from the same matriculation) told me that he is going to Ukraine to further his studies in Medic. Well... life goes on as it is. I certainly didn't expect him to say "of course i still remember you :)".

Flash backward, during our excursions trip to Kelantan, things got steamy heated in the bus as we sit next to each other, however for my dissapointment he tagged along with other guy, who is a bit sissy-ish (and the very same guy who accusing me that I grab his flat ass- turn out after two years the truth emerge, that he just bad mouthed me behind my back, not that we're friend or something, but at last I'm vindicated. No wonder one of my friend keep calling my "ass-grabbing guy" lol.)


And I ask him whether he still remember me and , well he said he still even remember me and the funny things is he couldn't remember how other guys (the one who called me ass-grabber) look like. Well it make me flattered, the same feeling just like my lucky star did to me when we finally 'found' each other. It is good to know that someone still remember you well after this year. And it definitely make my day.

Me and many ramblings

1. Me and coldness

Damn, the coldness really kill me with despair. I think thats is why people appreciate the warmth for they have been in coldness before. Warmth sometimes lead to annoying heat, but rage and anger definitely more lively. Despair and sadness literally suck the life out of you.

2.Me and home

I guess I'm pretty much engulf with other matters that I almost forgot that I'm going home tomorrow. Yay! Although I'm still not excited about tomorrow travel and I know the background music that suppose to play right now are either Home by Daughtry or Home by Buble. But ever since I heard this Indonesian song "Aku dan Diri Mu" I pretty much cant take it out of my head.Perhaps... because there are a lots of things left unsaid.

3.Me and conclusion

I guess in the end things sometimes doesnt goes out the way we expect it. Sometimes fate on your side, other times, well you pretty mess up. Either way you got to trust whatever suppose to happen will happen. Somehow you’ll always end up with the person you’re mean to be with.

Me and love reflection/Me and my fault

At the moment, I'm struck with one big epiphanies. All the great love stories, they just doesn't begin immediately. They takes times to develop, they faces many hardship, conquered it and won it. Well from there its another story of happily ever after or whatnot. So whats up with me, trying too much to jump so fast into that loveship. Probably thats is where I have done my mistake is. I guess everything has it own times, has it own rhythm and the moment we try to take control or push it, even the slightest movement could ever change the original course it was set to be. Although I like to call myself as an adventurer, merely trusting the feeling and lets the heart take the risk, and even if the risk is worth taking, perhaps part of being a good adventurer is choosing wisely which adventure that is worth taking.

I guess when you're were engulf with that demonic passion (just exaggerating there), I think it best to cool everything down. Or perhaps its time to move on and looking for another adventure. I guess I'll just cool everything off first.

Me and conversation

Perhaps it was the most honest conversation i ever had in a long time.

But I always hate a hanging ending. The mental torture that you get for guessing the answer really kills you. Anticipating is really more painful than the simple truth. Oh trust me, for the truth set us free!

Me & Mistake. Again.

You see, some mistake are guilty pleasures. Like you know you're are not allowed to have ice-cream when you're sick but you still do or you have an affair with someone even though you're know you're in a relationship. As for me i make one of many of those mistake. Well in my case its not the sex matter.Perhaps its a little bit involving those wild fantasy.

Two days ago I went for hair cut, and my mistake was not doing it with my regular hair dresser. So I went to this new place instead, a decent well decorated and professional like place, but i guess I was wrong. The moment she cut my hair I felt something terribly wrong, but its not like you to bail out in the middle of the hair cutting process with your hair is half-cutted. Yes the hair-dresser is a girl while the place I usually go to is a guy and he is gay too. How do I know...? Well lets say I just know because I found his profile in gay dating website. Hes a bottom too. Anyway when she cut it like i said it was totally wrong. I know it, but here's the guilty pleasure part. When she asked me whether I would like to get a massage, I said "Hell yes. Give it to me baby!" Ok not exactly like that. But man she got the golden touched, and nooooo I did not just cummed in my short. She really know how to work her hand which make me think "have she worked in a massage parlour before?". At that time all my doubt flown away along with the massage that she give. Damn, so does my wallet getting thinner because of it. But as everything come back to reality, realizing that hair-do make me so bitterly ugly, I swore to myself I wont come back unless I need a good massage. Girl you suck as a hair-dresser but you give damn good massage.

Me & Bummers

1. Talking about disappointment, I woke late for three consecutive morning. Damn it, even though I have more than enough sleep, but still couldn't wake up early in the morning, and I couldn't hear my alarm. Fuck. So when your morning basically a mess, it practically put you in a bad mood and ruin your day.

2. As the tv season come to an end, there are quite bummer around. I won't talking about the not returning show (thanks god Chuck is renewed, and Supernatural have a good prospect, so I doubt the show will be canceled. Touch wood! Touch wood!) As the winner of American Idol and ANTM is revealed, it doesn't bring the good news. I know I'm late on this, but still... Adam & Alison were both landed second place and they both my favourite contestant. Well lets say I've been rooting for both of them since audition, as I know they both are something something. One with fierce personality and another has fierce big eyes. Both are captivating. Damn TyranouSOURus and American Idol voters.

3. The third bummer... is such a biggest disappointment. Like the "apple pie" told me once upon a time a dinosaur roams this planet earth, "if you fall for someone try not to fall to hard, the harder you fall, the more hurt its gonna get." Something like that. Kinda. I wish everything was easy and the hardest part is not finding the one that matter, but to keep on the same page as that one person is. Damn it I really don't know what to do. Perhaps...something that good to boost up my self-esteem, like lucky streak winning ticket to a million of dollar or perhaps a hook up with someone who like you or adores you. After all sex make people feels good and put you in a good mood.


yeah just the way i like it...