Me and many ramblings

1. Me and coldness

Damn, the coldness really kill me with despair. I think thats is why people appreciate the warmth for they have been in coldness before. Warmth sometimes lead to annoying heat, but rage and anger definitely more lively. Despair and sadness literally suck the life out of you.

2.Me and home

I guess I'm pretty much engulf with other matters that I almost forgot that I'm going home tomorrow. Yay! Although I'm still not excited about tomorrow travel and I know the background music that suppose to play right now are either Home by Daughtry or Home by Buble. But ever since I heard this Indonesian song "Aku dan Diri Mu" I pretty much cant take it out of my head.Perhaps... because there are a lots of things left unsaid.

3.Me and conclusion

I guess in the end things sometimes doesnt goes out the way we expect it. Sometimes fate on your side, other times, well you pretty mess up. Either way you got to trust whatever suppose to happen will happen. Somehow you’ll always end up with the person you’re mean to be with.

Me and love reflection/Me and my fault

At the moment, I'm struck with one big epiphanies. All the great love stories, they just doesn't begin immediately. They takes times to develop, they faces many hardship, conquered it and won it. Well from there its another story of happily ever after or whatnot. So whats up with me, trying too much to jump so fast into that loveship. Probably thats is where I have done my mistake is. I guess everything has it own times, has it own rhythm and the moment we try to take control or push it, even the slightest movement could ever change the original course it was set to be. Although I like to call myself as an adventurer, merely trusting the feeling and lets the heart take the risk, and even if the risk is worth taking, perhaps part of being a good adventurer is choosing wisely which adventure that is worth taking.

I guess when you're were engulf with that demonic passion (just exaggerating there), I think it best to cool everything down. Or perhaps its time to move on and looking for another adventure. I guess I'll just cool everything off first.

Me and conversation

Perhaps it was the most honest conversation i ever had in a long time.

But I always hate a hanging ending. The mental torture that you get for guessing the answer really kills you. Anticipating is really more painful than the simple truth. Oh trust me, for the truth set us free!

Me & Mistake. Again.

You see, some mistake are guilty pleasures. Like you know you're are not allowed to have ice-cream when you're sick but you still do or you have an affair with someone even though you're know you're in a relationship. As for me i make one of many of those mistake. Well in my case its not the sex matter.Perhaps its a little bit involving those wild fantasy.

Two days ago I went for hair cut, and my mistake was not doing it with my regular hair dresser. So I went to this new place instead, a decent well decorated and professional like place, but i guess I was wrong. The moment she cut my hair I felt something terribly wrong, but its not like you to bail out in the middle of the hair cutting process with your hair is half-cutted. Yes the hair-dresser is a girl while the place I usually go to is a guy and he is gay too. How do I know...? Well lets say I just know because I found his profile in gay dating website. Hes a bottom too. Anyway when she cut it like i said it was totally wrong. I know it, but here's the guilty pleasure part. When she asked me whether I would like to get a massage, I said "Hell yes. Give it to me baby!" Ok not exactly like that. But man she got the golden touched, and nooooo I did not just cummed in my short. She really know how to work her hand which make me think "have she worked in a massage parlour before?". At that time all my doubt flown away along with the massage that she give. Damn, so does my wallet getting thinner because of it. But as everything come back to reality, realizing that hair-do make me so bitterly ugly, I swore to myself I wont come back unless I need a good massage. Girl you suck as a hair-dresser but you give damn good massage.

Me & Bummers

1. Talking about disappointment, I woke late for three consecutive morning. Damn it, even though I have more than enough sleep, but still couldn't wake up early in the morning, and I couldn't hear my alarm. Fuck. So when your morning basically a mess, it practically put you in a bad mood and ruin your day.

2. As the tv season come to an end, there are quite bummer around. I won't talking about the not returning show (thanks god Chuck is renewed, and Supernatural have a good prospect, so I doubt the show will be canceled. Touch wood! Touch wood!) As the winner of American Idol and ANTM is revealed, it doesn't bring the good news. I know I'm late on this, but still... Adam & Alison were both landed second place and they both my favourite contestant. Well lets say I've been rooting for both of them since audition, as I know they both are something something. One with fierce personality and another has fierce big eyes. Both are captivating. Damn TyranouSOURus and American Idol voters.

3. The third bummer... is such a biggest disappointment. Like the "apple pie" told me once upon a time a dinosaur roams this planet earth, "if you fall for someone try not to fall to hard, the harder you fall, the more hurt its gonna get." Something like that. Kinda. I wish everything was easy and the hardest part is not finding the one that matter, but to keep on the same page as that one person is. Damn it I really don't know what to do. Perhaps...something that good to boost up my self-esteem, like lucky streak winning ticket to a million of dollar or perhaps a hook up with someone who like you or adores you. After all sex make people feels good and put you in a good mood.


yeah just the way i like it...

Me and Sex Drive, Coffee at Borders

1.Lately I've on such a low sex-drive, whether its a mistake or simply hook up,the good think about sex is it always put you in a good mood. I couldn't think of any reason why i'm so low on the drive, well perhaps i could come with one or two, but i wont saying.



2.This evening, I went out with a friend of mine, since she's been asking me so long to meet. Well i know really well what is the purpose of this meeting, however lets just skip to the time when we about to go back. Well on the way to the car, suddenly an airplane fly over us-well not exactly suddenly as in suddenly a pilot decide to fly an airplane out of the blue sky- ok the point is, the moment the aircraft fly over us and me turning my head to look towards the plane as it fly by, I was captivated by the sound of its engine. I dont know why but I feel it is the most beautiful sound in the world.And I really enjoy that moment. Me listening to that beautiful engine sound. Ok I'll confess I also love the sound of a muscle car such as Mustang, The Chevy that Winchester Brother drive in their demon hunt (btw theres gonna be season 5, yes love it) or 4WD (ok its not exactly a muscle car but still it sound good).



3.Well back to the meeting with my friend-she actually want me to take her place once she leave the "seat". The problem is, well I'm kinda into a more glamorous job or well lets say not so heavenly work related since this the "seat" job is directly related to the church. As I'm telling her that faith wise I'm probably not the best person but she told me to let the whole faith thing to the priest. Or the word she said is that me shouldn't worry about the faith issue as I could consult the priest for help. But heck if I'm doing this it would be like an oxymoronic thingy. Cliche of all cliche. Lets face it, although I'm not out and loud, but still I'm kinda perfectly comfortable with my sexuality and to work with the people who.....well their faith kinda opposing this side of heaven,though I always preach my student that who would Jesus side with if He were alive. As Tyranousaurus said it Gay is the new black y'all.

That not the only part of why I'm a bit reluctant to the "seat", well maybe because that I'm planning to apply for the cabin crew job. Its not that I haven't apply ,I even almost freaking god dammit got the job. I didn't got the job because the interviewer lady said that i'm overweight.(Btw i still remember her name perfectly) C'mon lady. Give me some slack. I'll exercise and lose weight. To my comfort a few people that I make friend with during the interview also didn't get it, and well we still friend now. The hunkiest sikh-ish looking guy that I've drool about also didn't get the job. Well he is 27 and hes hot. Ok perhaps I want to apply for it again despite the disappointment that I have; for not getting it. Anyway one of many reason that I wanted to apply for this kind of job just because well you know you could get free ticket and travel to foreign country of which another thing (travel) that I love but have to put on hold due to finacial constraint. Speaking about travel the other job also require me to travel rather alot too.

Hmm what next steps gonna be, and if someone tell me that God has a plan, I'll might just perhaps killing the next person come to me.

Me and mistake

I believe in karma, and just like life, karma can be a bitch too. As my friend said in his Facebook; wonders how life should be? Smooth & straight like y=mx+c? Or bumpy once a while like ax^2+bx+c=0? Or enjoying your lowest moment before getting the ultimate goal like y=log(x)? Or swinging all the time like y=sin(x)? Or with no ultimate goal to achieve like y=tan(x)?

And the payback always, well hard. Its hard to face the hard truth about yourself. Thinking back the choices that you made in the past and thinking it was might be a mistake. It even harder when you took the chances, and fail. I guess the right thing to do right now is taking the positive steps and suck it up and face the world-while i’m still not whining about it.

Random thought

yes i read perez

Ok i might be Catholic but I dont have to agree with the pope! Yes the pope! He currently issueing that man need to be saved from gays!

Borrowing the words of my favourite author, Paulo Coelho; "...this new pope is a disaster, to put it plainly....we'll survive this pope."

Horrible is the new adorable

Just as i found bitter is the new sweet, it doesnt sound strange if i say that horrible is the new adorable. And kim dong wan is the new william hung.

damn santa stole my present. but atleast i got this utterly adorable video for christmas.

This One Santa I want for Christmas!

Christmas is definitely 3 days away. Somehow it doesnt really excite me this year. Totally not in the mood for christmas. How I wish this hunky Santa would came and deliver present on Christmas' Eve itself (and stay overnite) haha.

People here must be lucky.

Yesterday

"disco disco good good"


Yesterday....

1. i'm dead bored. sometimes i felt like i'm a walking zombie. blame it on the moon too. felt unmotivated, unspirited, energyless. its not like moody pms tho, it like a constant moodless period over time. got nothing to do either. friendster sucks, facebook does not amuse me either.

it make heroes seem uninteresting (not to mention this gotta be the suckiest heroes season ever). not to mention the seem lost prison break over their syclla. spring cleaning doesnt help either. randomly i just delete people that i didnt know in my friend list-both friendster and facebook.


2. At night I couldnt help but eavesdropping two daddies swaping spit i mean stories about their own breed-unintentionally since they are infront of me. The two daddies pretty much ok in term of look-not that hideous nor that hot DILF, but i would pretty say acceptable. Not everyone are Brad Pittlicous.

Daddy A: Sometimes I really pity my second child. Why not, coz he seems to get his brother left over.

Daddy B: Yeah me too. The situation is the same. I still remember about my 1st born son. When he came (to this world literally), he was lavished with all the goodness. His grandfather spend a fortune for him.

Daddy A nodded his head. " Yeah. But then come the second one everything seems to cool down. They just get his big bro left over.

Daddy B: It always like that. My 3rd child also receive the same treatment. It like up and down.

After paying for what it seems like items for their kids they left the counter and heading out of the mall till they gone out of sight.

I dont know which is sexier, two daddies shopping together or the fact that they are shopping together.

3.On different notes, i see a lots of break-up around... but that is another day.

boys, beers and balls

boys notes:
hmm i was wondering wats better than sittin with your friend watching football match. well probably a good sex or driving insanely fast sports car.

beer notes:
suddenly my housemate said "hey lets drink beer."

"good idea" said another. "dont forget mine is carlsberg special brew ya" add another.

and i was wondering what was the occasion, but it seems to be none. what the heck! anyway one doesnt need the reason to drink dont they....

balls notes:
a bottle of beer, and a football match. its double kill combination for some. and we watch 20 balls chasing one ball while another two balls trying their best to catch the one ball. confuse? dont be.

that nite we watch Arsenal 1-0 victory over Wigan. And my Arsenal fanatic friends smile all the way to his bed.

All i want for christmas....

yup its the real brokeback mountain

...is to turn back time.

everytime when someone ask me what did i study back in university, i've always told them that i was from physics school. i rather not tell them that i'm a geophysics graduate who still unemployed by oil and gas company. and the geophysics word would raise the eyebrows of many. it is a strange word for some. some even thought that "oh that is that sort of geography+physics thingy where when u graduate u will teach either geography or physics isnt it?" err...that made mw speechless, not until i explained to them its actually from the word geology+physics hence became geophysics, even so i have to tell them it is an earth science course. then followed by the long "ooooo...".

back then i really had the vague idea of what this course would offer-except for the fact that this discipline would lead one directly to oil and gas industry. i never thought that i would get this course as senior back then often told you that your 1st choice of UPU form would not be the course that u would took for the rest of your university life. so i design that the geology course that i want, i put it in the middle of the list of my UPU form. well who knows, such strategy would lead me to penang instead of to kl-due to the course of course.after nearly flop the 1st year, which lead me to extend the study-few times i wanna change my course but i stick to geophysics till the end.

for those who doesnt know, geophysics is a study of geology with lots of mathematical concepts. The word geophysics itself is derived from a combination of two words geology and physics. lots of lots of mathematical concept. the geology is there, but it come with mathematical concept and understanding. thus your final year paper would likely to consist of lots of lots of equation rather than 3 pages long essay. ok i admit, the 3 pages long essay would help too. its neither easy or hard course. as my senior once told me, this is a do or die course. nothing in between. unfortunately i had to agree with him at some point.

as we gonna celebrate the coming year with rather gloomy expression and the job market rather look grim especially with the down falling of the oil price(something that me myself predicted)and lots of company, oil and gas included freeze their employment-jeez thanks grinch for stealing the early christmas feeling-left one rather wondering. or me wondering how would the year of 2009 would look like. at some point, i sometimes wishing that i put geology course on top of my UPU list instead of this unknown mathematically infested geophysics course...

Random thought

but now i'm sad and alone. i'm going to become bitter and distrustfull of people because one person betrayed me. i'm going to hate those who have found their treasures because i never found mine and i'm going to hold on to what little i have, because i'm too insignificant to conquer the world.

.........and so the alchemist said.

LOL

i dont know how to begin, it all over know. it's kinda confusing mixed feeling that i have. well i just broke up, and i should be sad right... well yeah i was, but i guess i'm kinda sorta missin him a little. good thing that we broke up the good way, we came to conclusion that it better to resolve it now before everything got more complicated later.

so i guess a little bit of laughter would do a great magic. and i found this funny joke from my friend buletin. here goes:

Death Row in Women's Prison

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a brunette, one''s a redhead, and one''s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

Better

i stumbled upon this very interesting video clip of latest boyzone single "better". The video featured all members with their love interest- and that including Stephen - the openly gay member of bz. feel like yesterday when he first announced his sexual orientation.



i remembered someone wedding vow, "for better or worse, i stand by you"... the song remind me of that vow. ;)

Multiple choices

Man i forgot how long since the last time I blog. It like almost 6 months. And that last entry was written out of nowhere about what?? I don't know...., some lovey dovey crap. And at that time I was in transition between job. And it is the same for this entry, in between of something....I hate this feeling. Well it kinda unexplainable, but I definitely hate it. And when I look back my high school friend who made it to their career, that feeling sucks. I guess its the ego things and I really thought I would be happy for them but the truth is I wasn't. How I wish they fuck off the hey-i-got-a-better job than yours. Okay, probably they didn't think like that.

Sometimes I regret the choices I made in the past. Like the course that I took, the university that I choose, and many more. Stick to science what-ever or take law or something or even accounting or engineering. I was wondering what if I taken another road. And Robert Frost poem keep popping up itself into my brain, and yeah I made an entry bout that. I guess the hardest thing is not making the right choices, but living with that choices. And its especially hard when you think that choice isn't the right one. And the only thing that I'm good at is being gay.


i think i'm good at being one

Northern Star

...and I've found my guiding star.

always there but out of reach,
guiding with warm love at distant,
but radiate coldness of the nocturnal night,
but I'm lucky,
for I would be lost without you.

Eternity

For I've waited for eternity

1.What is the best nickname that u ever had?
A: Teddy bear

2. Do you think suicide is the best way?
A: Noppers. thats the dumbest ever

3. Rate your social life from scale 1 to 10.
A: 9 i think minus the fact that i dont fancy spending time with people i dislike but since i didnt spend my time with them at all now i think i shud put it at 10

4. Are you in love with someone at the moment?
A: Can u really tell??? xD i didnt know it was THAT obvious.

5. are you missing someone at the moment?
A: I am.but try not to think to much about it

6. Would you die for the one you love?
A: I just dont know it yet.

7. Do you think love hurts?
A: Love isnt love until it hurts. Absolutely.

8. Whats the best thing about love at first sight?
A: (I love this question) U realise at that moment that you like a person.

9. Whats the worst thing about love?
A: To love but not to love in return...

10. Will you wait for someone you love?
A: for eternity ;)

11 . What song best describes your love life at this second?
A: Since I'm already screwed, here a message for you,my heart wide open..... figure it out.

14. Have you talked to the person you love on the phone?
A: Not yet at that stage, but in the past ofcourse

15. Do you keep memories or try to forget them?
A: The way u make me feel-Steps (people will remember how u make they feel. so treat people nicely asshole)

16. Is love always on your side or the opposite way?
A: Hurm, that depends and i can't really say that the Lady Luck isnt smiling at me currently, but i guess it never hurt to be on the safe side (Arghh Lady Luck pls date me!!!! pls pls)

19. Are you sick of love?
A: Never will be :)~

20. Are you sick of questions on love?
A: not really. Love love love love? hahaha Love is an interesting subject.

21. Where are you going tomorrow?
A: No where.

22. What do u want so badly right now?
A: Do I really have to say it? (shy)

23. Do you think money is everything?
A: Love is everything, but we do need money too rite..

24. What song are you listening right now?
A: Maroon 5-Wont go home without u

25. Whats the song, you last sang?
A: with you-chris charlie brown

26 . How much do you love music?
A: Very much. Music make my day

27. Do you play an instrument?
A: recorder (LOL)

28. Have you written your own song?
A: Never

29. What movie did you last watch?
A: definitely maybe. (best romantic comedy so far and definitely gonna watch it for the 2nd time)

31. Do you believe in forever?
A: no because i believe in eternity (for eternity is far more serious than forever)

I'm screwed

I've chatted with my friend in msn and it end like this:

"You too, which ever guy that got you must be so lucky"

I was telling him that his bf is so lucky to have him in his life, and no I dont have whatever love-hate tension dynamic feeling towards him, it more towards a platonic level kinda-relationship.

His remarks remind me of a reply from the "apple-pie" that-i-would-love-to-have
(i was G-chatting over gmail and sms-ing with him the whole nite last nite) and i got a very interesting reply from him "Its interesting what has began as sex proposition led to."

Ofcourse I modified the sms a bit. And I think Paris Hilton-Screwed lyric tells it all:

Since I'm already screwed
Here's a message to you
My heart's wide open
I'm just not getting through to the lover in you
Yet I'm still hoping
That tonight, tonight, you're gonna turn down the lights
And give me a little more room just to prove it to you
What do I gotta do?

By the way, I found this hot MTV



Could anything be hotter than this music video?